Just Go.

If there’s one thing I wish I could take back about my time with SI joint dysfunction, it’s all the times I held myself back.

Over the course of my saga, I would go from one doctor and PT to the next. At that time, none of them knew how to treat SI joint dysfunction- in fact, some of them had hardly even heard of it.

The first person I found who seemed to understand was my chiropractor. For a while, he was the only person I knew who could begin to explain what was wrong with the joint alignment, or to correct it. However, after a while, even he told me I seemed to come back way more often than his other clients, and implied I was overreacting.

I didn’t know what to do. When my SI joints went out of alignment (I would normally get a posterior rotation) it was like the worst feeling in the world. I’d barely be able to move my leg on that side. It was like even my chiropractor was telling me there was something wrong with me, for wanting that feeling fixed.

So, I made myself smaller. Unconsciously. I’d gotten the message I was taking up too much space, so I held myself back, didn’t ask too many questions. There were times I waited, in a holding pattern.

Now, I know the problem wasn’t me – SIJD was just a severely under-recognized problem. (Things have gotten a little better since the time of my original injury, but we still have a ways to go!).

Even later, I learned I am also genetically hypermobile, which was why I seemed different than my chiropractor’s other patients. I think we still need a lot more research to explain why this is, but I’m convinced that accounts for the discrepancy between my experience, and some of the other people my chiropractor treated. I believe it affected me more, when my joint was out of alignment.

Things finally changed when I went full steam ahead, threw myself into research, and finally did find answers. I had an epiphany, in the spring of 2016, when I realized that deep down I hadn’t been trying my hardest to find answers. On the surface, yes, I was going through all the motions — pool exercise, some old land-based exercises from a previous PT, and chiropractor visits. But I wasn’t getting better, and that’s when I realized I was capable of researching this on my own.

“Wait a minute,” I realized. “My entire life is on hold. Why am I concerned about people judging me? Who will know how many hours I spend researching this?”

That was when I delved into research mode. And it was the beginning of everything coming together for me. I started reading about every single treatment option, including surgery as a last resort. I looked up different practitioners who’d written on the subject — some in different parts of the country, some in other parts of the world. I didn’t necessarily understand all of the terminology, but it was a starting point. I was building myself a road map.

It ended up paying off quicker than I expected. Once I shifted into research-mode, and really focused on my mind on the problem, things started to come together.

I discovered (almost by accident!) that the chiropractor visits were only helping me in the short-term, but in the long run they were making me less stable. So I switched to only the Muscle Energy Technique, which lets you realign the joints yourself without creating a ton of excess inflammation.

From there, I had a foundation on which I could build upon. My joints were a lot more stable, so I was able to start moving more easily without the joints constantly popping out of place at the slightest movement.

Finally, I had traction; the things I was doing started to make me better, not worse. I was able to be mindful of my movements, keeping track of what hurt and what helped, and become more and more stable over time.

Now, I know there was never any need to hold myself back.